Lost in Translation

So anyone that knows me (Derek) knows that my Spanish is horrible. The only words I know are “Uno cerveza por favor” and “La perro comia la chica”, why I know that last phrase is a mystery to even myself.  So when Ashley wanted me to get some icecream for us, I took it as a personal challenge to prove to all of central America that my Spanish is really not all that bad. That even in a bus station with only American fast food restaurants all around us I, Derek, could get my girlfriend, Ashley, the icecream she desired. The order was simple; get two small blizzards (yes they had a DQ there), one was to be chocolate, the other vanilla. Mine with M&M’s and the other with Butterfinger. I found out the words I needed to know from Ashley. Cocoleche means chocolate (not really, but that’s what I said), blanco means white, which I was going to use for vanilla since we were not sure what vanilla was in Spanish. If I had to guess, I would say it’s the same word but with a Spanish accent. Its thoughts like that that make my Spanish so horrible. I found out you can’t just add an ‘O’ behind every word and make it Spanish. But that’s ok because I know that somewhere deep down my hidden talent for Spanish was just waiting to burst out, so I strutted up to the counter where a young lady was standing. For you to appreciate the conversation I’ll just put it in dialogue:

Icecream lady: “Ola, jibber jibber jibber, jibber jibber jibber and jibber?”

Derek: (thinking I would impress her with my superior Spanish skills I pulled no punches) “Ola, Como est sta? Mue Bean? Dos blizzards profavor!”

Icecream lady: (looking at me in a crazy way): “Ummmm…. Name?”

Derek: (Finding out that all the jibber was her asking my name for the computer) “Ohhh….. Derek”

Icecream lady: “Que?!?! Jibber jibber jibber”

Derek: “Uhhh… D. E. R…..”

Icecream lady: “Que….?”

Derek:  “Nombre es Rico!!!!” (thinking that Rico would be an easy translation name, my sister once told me my Spanish name was rico, I thought it would be an easy name for the lady to type understand. I mean, there are lots of Ricos right? there is Porto Rico, Rico Swave...right??)

Icecream lady: “Rico!!! Oooo nooo, hahahahahahaha” (I guess Rico is a funny name).

Derek: “Si, Rico, Uno blizzard cocoleche, small, profavor, est…..”

Icecream lady: “Jibber Jibber, even faster jibber, 25cents, jibber?”

Derek: “Uhhhh, ci…. Es uno…..”

Icecream lady: “Ok, $5.50 por favor, jibber jibber jibber”

Derek: “Oookkkk” (handing over the $5.50 as I still try and find out what happened).

As I walk back to my girlfriend I recounted what had just happened between the evil icecream lady and myself, I think the part about 25 cents was asking if I wanted to upgrade to a larger size cup but I haven’t validated that theory yet. As far as the icecream for my girlfriend, I got the order 30% correct, I did get a blizzard but only one, not two. I also did not get the chocolate with butterfinger that she wanted but the vanilla with M&Ms that I wanted….and I got a medium instead of a small. But in the end, I feel pretty confident that that icecream lady will never forget Rico and his great Spanish skills. Thank you panama city for all you have taught me!