So anyone that knows me (Derek) knows that my Spanish is
horrible. The only words I know are “Uno cerveza por favor” and “La perro comia
la chica”, why I know that last phrase is a mystery to even myself. So when Ashley wanted me to get some icecream
for us, I took it as a personal challenge to prove to all of central America
that my Spanish is really not all that bad. That even in a bus station with
only American fast food restaurants all around us I, Derek, could get my
girlfriend, Ashley, the icecream she desired. The order was simple; get two
small blizzards (yes they had a DQ there), one was to be chocolate, the other
vanilla. Mine with M&M’s and the other with Butterfinger. I found out the
words I needed to know from Ashley. Cocoleche means chocolate (not really, but
that’s what I said), blanco means white, which I was going to use for vanilla
since we were not sure what vanilla was in Spanish. If I had to guess, I would
say it’s the same word but with a Spanish accent. Its thoughts like that that
make my Spanish so horrible. I found out you can’t just add an ‘O’ behind every
word and make it Spanish. But that’s ok because I know that somewhere deep down
my hidden talent for Spanish was just waiting to burst out, so I strutted up to
the counter where a young lady was standing. For you to appreciate the
conversation I’ll just put it in dialogue:
Icecream lady: “Ola, jibber jibber jibber, jibber jibber
jibber and jibber?”
Derek: (thinking I would impress her with my superior
Spanish skills I pulled no punches) “Ola, Como est sta? Mue Bean? Dos blizzards
profavor!”
Icecream lady: (looking at me in a crazy way): “Ummmm….
Name?”
Derek: (Finding out that all the jibber was her asking my
name for the computer) “Ohhh….. Derek”
Icecream lady: “Que?!?! Jibber jibber jibber”
Derek: “Uhhh… D. E. R…..”
Icecream lady: “Que….?”
Derek: “Nombre es
Rico!!!!” (thinking that Rico would be an easy translation name, my sister once
told me my Spanish name was rico, I thought it would be an easy name for the lady
to type understand. I mean, there are lots of Ricos right? there is Porto Rico,
Rico Swave...right??)
Icecream lady: “Rico!!! Oooo nooo, hahahahahahaha” (I guess
Rico is a funny name).
Derek: “Si, Rico, Uno blizzard cocoleche, small, profavor,
est…..”
Icecream lady: “Jibber Jibber, even faster jibber, 25cents,
jibber?”
Derek: “Uhhhh, ci…. Es uno…..”
Icecream lady: “Ok, $5.50 por favor, jibber jibber jibber”
Derek: “Oookkkk” (handing over the $5.50 as I still try and
find out what happened).
As I walk back to my girlfriend I recounted what had just happened
between the evil icecream lady and myself, I think the part about 25 cents was
asking if I wanted to upgrade to a larger size cup but I haven’t validated that
theory yet. As far as the icecream for my girlfriend, I got the order 30%
correct, I did get a blizzard but only one, not two. I also did not get the
chocolate with butterfinger that she wanted but the vanilla with M&Ms that
I wanted….and I got a medium instead of a small. But in the end, I feel pretty
confident that that icecream lady will never forget Rico and his great Spanish
skills. Thank you panama city for all you have taught me!